Another week, another key Charger out for the year with a lower leg injury. Hey thanks a whole lot football, you've been great. Now go take a long walk off a short pier.
Let's get to the picks...!
Week 4 Picks
Cincinnati (-7.5) vs. Miami
The Thursday nighters are always wildly unpredictable and usually pretty terrible games. This one should be no exception, as the Bengals desperately need a big win to get back on track. Meanwhile, the Dolphins barely held off the stinkful Browns. This is a recipe for blowout city.
Pick: Bengals
Indianapolis (-2.5) at Jacksonville
The Jags aren't this bad, right? I mean they can't be THIS bad. There was some real smart guy who thought they'd contend for the division title this season, so I find it hard to believe that they're just going to get destroyed by everyone they play. A home date against a Colts team coming off the emotional high of a comeback win last week could be just the thing they need.
Pick: Jaguars
Detroit (-2.5) at Chicago
Much like Jacksonville, the Bears kind of stink. And much like Jacksonville, they aren't QUITE as bad as they've played so far. And also like Jacksonville, they have a home date against a fairly underwhelming divisional opponent. No word yet on whether Blake Bortles shares Jay Cutler's affinity for not giving a rat's ass about anything in the world.
PIck: Bears
New England (-4.5) vs. Buffalo
It has to catch up with them eventually, right? I mean yeah Belichick is the genius and the master and all that stuff, I get it. But like, they'll lose A game right? So why not this one? Hard-hitting analysis folks. You can't get this type of insight just anywhere...
Pick: Bills
Washington (-9.5) vs. Cleveland
Nope, I mean good job beating the Giants and all. But I'm nowhere near convinced that the Redskins are the team that is going to start rattling off double digit victories even if it is against the crumbs of the league. And why is that? Because TERRELLE PRYOR, THAT'S WHY! There's no good reason why he'll put up huge fantasy stats again, but I feel like if I just focus really hard I can will it to happen.
Pick: Browns
Baltimore (-3.5) vs. Oakland
And this is why tiny baby infant Jesus invented the hook. Because when Baltimore wins this game 23-20, you can smile and go buy yourself a nice new Ferrari.
Pick: Raiders
Carolina (-2.5) at Atlanta
You didn't fool me with last week's explosion, Falcons. Nor did you Panthers fool me by laying an egg against the Vikings. I know what you guys really are!
Pick: Panthers
Seattle (-1.5) at New York Jets
You know, I'm sitting there last week watching Ryan Fitzpatrick continue to just make a mockery of himself last week and all I could think of was when Mikey keeps calling Nikki's answering machine in Swingers. JUST HANG UP THE PHONE RYAN, YOU'RE MAKING THINGS SO MUCH WORSE!!!
Pick: Seahawks
Houston (-6.5) vs. Tennessee
Last week's awful performance against New England, JJ Watt's possible season-ending back injury, and Tennesses's overall competitiveness lead one to think this is a good spot for the Titans. It's not. The Texans are far better than they played last week, and I'm trying to make it a personal rule to basically throw out whatever happens on Thursday nights since it's stupid. And Lamar Miller is going to have "that game" any week now. Annnny week now. I can just feel it. It's coming. Heeeeere we go...
Pick: Texans
Denver (-3.5) at Tampa Bay
It's not time to get cute here. I like the Bucs and all, but their offense isn't ready for the prime time of the Denver defense, not just yet.
Pick: Broncos
Arizona (-8.5) vs. Los Angeles
SERIOUSLY CARSON, HANG UP THE PHONE - YOU'RE MAKING IT SO MUCH WORSE! SO MUCH!!!
Pick: Cardinals
San Diego (-3.5) vs. New Orleans
Surprisingly, the over/under on this game is only 6. I know, I couldn't believe it either. Oh wait, I was looking at the over/under on the number of tackles that'll be made. Get it?!? Because neither team can tackle!
Pick: Chargers
Dallas (-2.5) at San Francisco
Seeing Dak Prescott square off against Blaine Gabbert in this game, will make me miss the 90's more than hearing a Weezer song on the radio ever could.
Pick: Cowboys
Pittsburgh (-5.5) vs. Kansas City
If this Steeler team still has any sort of championship aspirations, they won't come out and beat the Chiefs. They will come out and dominate both sides of the football, from beginning to end, with no letup, until the descendants of Art Rooney are repeatedly punching Lamar Hunt's grandchildren in the face and neck.
Pick: Steelers
Minnesota (-3.5) vs. New York Giants
If there's one thing I've learned about Giants fans from living in New Jersey my whole life, it's that the time to expect a Giants victory is precisely when they're all about to do a Peter Pan off the top of a building. Look for the G-men to come up huge in prime time.
Pick: Giants
BEST BETS: Panthers, Texans, Steelers, Giants
LOCK: Carolina Panthers
LAST WEEK
Overall: 7-9
Best Bets: 2-2
Lock of the Week: 1-0
YEAR TO DATE
Overall: 29-19 (60%)
Best Bets: 6-6 (50%)
Lock of the Week: 2-1 (66%)
POWER RANKINGS
Team Name W/L (Prv)
1. Patriots 3-0 (1)
2. Broncos 3-0 (2)
3. Vikings 3-0 (6)
4. Packers 2-1 (9)
5. Chiefs 2-1 (10)
6. Steelers 2-1 (3)
7. Panthers 1-2 (4)
8. Cardinals 1-2 (5)
9. Texans 2-1 (7)
10. Giants 2-1 (8)
11. Cowboys 2-1 (12)
12. Eagles 3-0 (14)
13. Ravens 3-0 (15)
14. Bengals 1-2 (11)
15. Seahawks 2-1 (16)
16. Falcons 2-1 (17)
17. Raiders 2-1 (18)
18. Rams 2-1 (23)
19. Redskins 1-2 (26)
20. Jets 1-2 (13)
21. Colts 1-2 (29)
22. Chargers 1-2 (19)
23. Bills 1-2 (25)
24. Titans 1-2 (20)
25. Bucs 1-2 (21)
26. Lions 1-2 (22)
27. Dolphins 1-2 (28)
28. Jaguars 0-3 (24)
29. Saints 0-3 (27)
30. 49ers 1-2 (30)
31. Bears 0-3 (31)
32. Browns 0-3 (32)
