I know what you're thinking, and yes I was kidnapped by gypsies and someone else made my picks for me last week. No time to dwell on the past though, gotta keep pressing onward.
Let's get to the picks!
WEEK 13 PICKS
Green Bay (-3.5) at Detroit
We keep waiting for angry Aaron Rodgers to show up and just start dominating games, but the reality is that the guy can only throw it. He can't catch it, run it, and defend it too. So this whole notion that the Packers are just waiting to explode all over the league is a fallacy, in my opinion. That being said, we can't expect the Lions to show up on national television two straight games.
Pick: Packers
Cincinnati (-7.5) at Cleveland
There's about a roughly 100% chance that an injury during this game leads to Johnny Manziel coming off the sideline, rallying the team downfield, getting to within seven points, sitting on the doorstep of the end zone, and fumbles away the final snap of the game. If this happens, I'm resetting my season record back to 0-0.
Pick: Browns
Miami (-5.5) vs. Baltimore
Nope, Miami isn't good enough to be favored by this many points against anyone in the entire league. And as we know, if the Ravens are to lose, it's got to be by a field goal or less. It's science.
Pick: Ravens
Tampa Bay (-2.5) vs. Atlanta
In the beginning of the year, I thought Atlanta was wildly overrated and it took me forever to believe in their hot start. Then just when I started believing in it, they started to kinda stink again. So now that everyone has them pegged as a pretender, they should go out and roll the Bucs by about 30.
Pick: Falcons
Seattle (-0.5) at Minnesota
I actually heard people claiming that the Jimmy Graham injury is a good thing for the Seahawks. The theory being that the offense running through him was too focused on getting him the football, and it took away from the essence of the offensive gameplan. Yeah I guess I can buy that. I mean, why would you want one of the most physically gifted players the league has ever seen, when you can just chuck it up to Doug Baldwin all day?
Pick: Seahawks
Arizona (-5.5) at Saint Louis
This isn't the week that David Johnson unleashes hell on the league, but rest assured that day is coming. Oh yes, it's coming.
Pick: Rams
Chicago (-7.5) vs. San Francisco
Since when are the Bears to be entrusted with more than a touchdown against ANYONE?!? Sure the Niners stink, but have we really just decided that the Bears are a legit contender?
Pick: Niners
New York Jets (-2.5) at New York Giants
This isn't really a road game for the Jets, except for the fact that all the banners in the stadium will be blue instead of green. And the fans will mostly be gentiles. But other than that, things should feel pretty close to normal. Which means a heartbreaking last second loss courtesy of a rival.
Pick: Giants
Tennessee (-2.5) vs. Jacksonville
Quite simply, the Jaguars are just a better team. And we're going to keep it simple, because there isn't much else to talk about here.
Pick: Jaguars
Buffalo (-3.5) vs. Houston
Here we have a couple of teams trending in opposite directions in my opinion. The Texans defense finally remembered how good it was these last few games, and the fact that you get that extra hook clinches it for me.
Pick: Texans
Denver (-4.5) at San Diego
Let's not start getting all "San Diego is good" now ok? The Broncos are due for a letdown, I get it. But this Charger team is so wildly undermanned that I'm starting Brock Osweiler wherever possible this week. Re-read that last sentence, and let it really sink in.
Pick: Broncos
Kansas City (-3.5) at Oakland
Get Derek Carr active folks. I have it on good authority that he's gonna go B-A-N-A-N-A-S this weekend. (Tip: I had a dream that Carr threw for 5 touchdowns and 428 yards, so consider it a mortal lock that that's his floor).
Pick: Raiders
Carolina (-7.5) at New Orleans
Not only will the Saints cover, but this will be the week the Panthers undefeated season comes to an end. Or not. Whatever, what do I look like a prognosticator or something? (Don't answer that)
Pick: Saints
New England (-9.5) vs. Philadelphia
Angry Tom Brady against defenseless Philadelphia? I get that there's no Gronk and that the Pats offense looked very different without him. But this is just too tasty to pass up.
Pick: Patriots
Pittsburgh (-7.5) vs. Indianapolis
This seems like a real good spot for the Steelers to poop the bed. If they manage to win it, it'll be on some crazy late-game fluke nonsense. They're a much better team, and what we've seen in recent years from the Steelers is that they play down to the level of the opponents just about every week. Say, that wouldn't be an indictment of the coach now, would it?
Pick: Colts
Washington (-4.5) vs. Dallas
Now that Dallas has been declared dead and buried for the season, this would certainly seem to be an opportune time for them to rise up and play out of their minds and reopen the discussion about them in the NFC East divisional race. It would certainly seem to be that, yes.
Pick: Redskins
BEST BETS: Falcons, Seahawks, Giants, Texans
LOCK: New York Giants
LAST WEEK
Overall: 8-8
Best Bets: 0-4
Lock of the Week: 0-1
YEAR TO DATE
Overall: 81-95 (46%)
Best Bets: 18-30 (37%)
Lock of the Week: 5-7 (41%)
POWER RANKINGS
1. Panthers 11-0 (2)
2. Patriots 10-1 (1)
3. Cardinals 9-2 (3)
4. Broncos 9-2 (5)
5. Bengals 9-2 (6)
6. Packers 7-4 (4)
7. Vikings 8-3 (7)
8. Seahawks 6-5 (9)
9. Steelers 6-5 (8)
10. Colts 6-5 (10)
11. Bears 5-6 (13)
12. Chiefs 6-5 (16)
13. Bills 5-6 (11)
14. Falcons 6-5 (12)
15. Texans 6-5 (17)
16. Jets 6-5 (18)
17. Rams 4-7 (14)
18. Redskins 5-6 (22)
19. Giants 5-6 (15)
20. Raiders 5-6 (19)
21. Bucs 5-6 (20)
22. Jaguars 4-7 (21)
23. Ravens 4-7 (24)
24. Saints 4-7 (23)
25. Lions 4-7 (28)
26. Chargers 3-8 (29)
27. Cowboys 3-8 (25)
28. Dolphins 4-7 (26)
29. Eagles 4-7 (27)
30. Browns 2-9 (30)
31. 49ers 3-8 (31)
32. Titans 2-9 (32)
