If you're still with me, it means you were either kidnapped or you just want to feel better about your own awful picks. Either way...
Let's get to the picks!
WEEK 11 PICKS
Jacksonville (-3.5) vs. Tennessee
This is the game mothers will punish their children with if they don't behave. But maaaaaa, I don't waaaaaana eat brussel sprouts! SHUT UP, OR I'LL MAKE YOU WATCH DEXTER MCCLUSTER GET MEANINGFUL CARRIES!!!
Pick: Titans
Baltimore (-1.5) vs. Saint Louis
Death, taxes, yoga pants, and the Ravens losing heartbreakers.
Pick: Rams
Atlanta (-6.5) vs. Indianapolis
Just when the Colts show some signs of life and Andrew Luck starts looking like a real quarterback again, it all comes crashing down. I played a Madden season once where the division winner was either 5-11 or 6-10, so it's certainly mathematically possible. Making History: The Story Of the 2015 Colts
Pick: Falcons
Carolina (-7.5) vs. Washington
I've been anti-Carolina for most of the season, because I refused to believe that this passing game was capable of putting up enough points to blow teams out. But I'm coming around. More importantly, the Redskins did enough last week to prevent this line from reaching double digits where it belongs. Blow. Out. City.
Pick: Panthers
New York Jets (-2.5) at Houston
As I've mentioned before, the last summary I write up is typically the game that is the most difficult pick of the week for me. This week, I'm writing this one up last. But it's not because of the difficulty; it's more because I literally have nothing to say about any of it.
Pick: Jets
Philadelphia (-6.5) vs. Tampa Bay
The Eagles are quickly turning into a second tier bully. They're probably a junior in high school. Not yet the big man on campus, but a little bigger and better than most of the others. And even though they would cower in fear and probably pee in their pants a little bit at just the sight of a real bully, that still doesn't stop them from picking on anyone who is a class below them. This kind of stuff makes sense in my stupid brain.
Pick: Eagles
Oakland (-2.5) at Detroit
I mean, just for the hell of it, shouldn't there be an actual on-field ceremony where Calvin Johnson physically hands a torch to Amari Cooper? Just to make it official and all. By the way, anybody know what the heck happened last week? Did the Lions find something? I mean, the way the end of that game was trending was definitely max Lions. But they benefit (GASP!) when one of the league's better kickers shanks the potential game-winner like he's kicking a water balloon. My mind was officially blown. I half expected Bob Costas to be entertaining and interesting on the Sunday night telecast due to how WACKY everything was getting, but alas it wasn't to be.
Pick: Lions
Dallas (-0.5) at Miami
Dallas continues to be poor value, as they're not really THAT good of a team without Romo. But will he get credit when he rips off 7 wins in a row and puts the Cowboys in the playoffs? Of course not. It'll be because the offensive line came together, or Dez was finally healthy, or because Todd from Breaking Bad has a bigger bustline in the show Fargo than every Dallas Cowboy cheerleader does in real life. All valid reasons, of course.
Pick: Cowboys
Denver (-2.5) at Chicago
Been saying it all year, the Broncos were a good quarterback away from being a real Super Bowl contender. Historically, I've been on the Peyton Manning side of the Manning/Brady debate. But if Brock Osweiler comes in and wins a Super Bowl for the Broncos, Manning might as well retire from TV too. There'll be no coming back from that.
Pick: Broncos
Kansas City (-3.5) at San Diego
Does anyone out there truly believe that the Chiefs are a touchdown better than the Chargers on a neutral field? Go ahead and call me a homer, but San Diego has been a coin flip away from a .500 team so far. Coming off a bye week while KC comes off a big win over Denver and ripe for a let-down? Come on.
Pick: Chargers
Seattle (-11.5) vs. San Francisco
First it was that Seattle was even better than last year after adding Jimmy Graham to an already-solid offense. Then okay maybe it's a rough start or a Super Bowl hangover, but the story morphed into, Seattle wasn't as good as last year. Fine, no shame in being a lesser version of the Super Bowl runner-up. Then it was that they weren't as good as Arizona. Okay, hey teams shift up and down the standings all the time. Now it's, hey Seattle - you stink. There is too much pride on this team to just roll over and die, no? They need a statement win as bad as any team has ever needed a statement win. Come out and bury the Niners, and get yourselves back into the converstion about the WIDE OPEN NFC.
Pick: Seahawks
Minnesota (-0.5) vs. Green Bay
The Vikings have been a nice story so far while the Packers struggle mightily. But at the end of the day, I think everyone in the 44 states that matter realize that Aaron Rodgers is our best hope to dethrone the Patriots. A prideful organization, they are spinning their wheels a bit lately, and surprisingly it's been on the offensive side of the ball. I'm still relaxing Aaron, now let's go man.
Pick: Packers
Arizona (-2.5) vs. Cincinnati
Neither of these teams was expected to be THIS good. But here we are. At lunch last week, a few friends and I had a debate about what teams could actually beat New England in the Super Bowl. They argued that it was no one. I countered by saying Aaron Rodgers can beat anyone when he has "those" games. But later in the week during the Cardinals game against Seattle, I actually texted them saying "the Cardinals can beat New England". I don't know how much I actually BELIEVE that, but they do appear to be the most complete team (Pats included). They just don't really do anything amazingly well so they kind of slip under the radar. That, and they are the Cardinals so people don't give it much credence. But I like them a lot.
Pick: Cardinals
New England (-7.5) vs. Buffalo
Patriots, bleh whatever.
Pick: Patriots
BEST BETS: Rams, Falcons, Panthers, Chargers
LOCK: Carolina Panthers
LAST WEEK
Overall: 8-6
Best Bets: 2-2
Lock of the Week: 0-1
YEAR TO DATE
Overall: 67-79 (45%)
Best Bets: 17-23 (42%)
Lock of the Week: 4-6 (40%)
POWER RANKINGS
1. Patriots 9-0 (1)
2. Panthers 9-0 (2)
3. Cardinals 7-2 (5)
4. Bengals 8-1 (3)
5. Vikings 7-2 (8)
6. Broncos 7-2 (4)
7. Packers 6-3 (6)
8. Steelers 6-4 (9)
9. Seahawks 4-5 (7)
10. Bills 5-4 (17)
11. Falcons 6-3 (13)
12. Bears 4-5 (20)
13. Rams 4-5 (10)
14. Colts 4-5 (14)
15. Giants 5-5 (15)
16. Jets 5-4 (11)
17. Raiders 4-5 (12)
18. Dolphins 4-5 (19)
19. Eagles 4-5 (16)
20. Chiefs 4-5 (21)
21. Redskins 4-5 (26)
22. Saints 4-6 (18)
23. Jaguars 3-6 (29)
24. Ravens 2-7 (23)
25. Chargers 2-7 (24)
26. Bucs 4-5 (28)
27. Texans 4-5 (30)
28. 49ers 3-6 (27)
29. Cowboys 2-7 (22)
30. Browns 2-8 (25)
31. Lions 2-7 (32)
32. Titans 2-7 (31)
