As we make our way through the early portion of the presidential election season, all the pundits out there want to remind everyone not to stray too far to the right or the left, for fear of alienating the moderates in the middle. To that end, I've kept my record about as close to marginal as humanly possible.
Let's get to the picks!
WEEK 8 PICKS
New England (-7.5) vs. Miami
Clearly, it was Joe Philbin's mopey face. You remove that, and suddenly we're getting somewhere. I think more teams need to utilize that approach in their coaching interviews. When it comes to players, it's irrelevant. You can look like a cross between Nate Newton's lunch and a potato skin, but if you can run a 4.4 40, it matters little. But when it comes to coaches? You need to weed that out. A coach can have all the talent in the world, but if his players look at him and wonder if he'd rather be building a ship in a bottle, it's tough for them to get jazzed up for the big game on Sunday. And that's where Bill fits in. The man just oozes confidence. He looks the part. More importantly, he doesn't give a crap whether he looks the part. And after a relatively close call this past weekend, it's all systems go for that face. Did this analysis make any sense? Probably not. Would I have a better chance of picking this game correctly if it did? For sure, it doesn't matter.
Pick: Patriots
Kansas City (-5.5) vs. Detroit
Remember when the reputation was that British people all had ugly teeth and their woman were nearly universally unattractive? So then they sent people like Keeley Hazell and Lucy Pinder to change our minds and show how great they could be? And THIS is how we repay them?
Pick: Lions
Cincinnati (-2.5) at Pittsburgh
Big Ben's return to action comes at kind of a tough time for Pittsburgh in terms of their opponent. The Bengals have played them tougher in recent years (I think, but I'm too lazy to look it up), and are fully rested come off the bye week. The game being in Pittsburgh though certainly gives the homeboys some additional hope, and you just know Antonio Brown is going for about 200 yards this week. He's been the faithful girlfriend at home while her man is overseas, and now that man is returning home to give her the best weekend of her life. I know, I'm really making it sound like this game is going to be played in San Francisco and not Pittsburgh. But I digress.
Pick: Steelers
Atlanta (-7.5) vs. Tampa Bay
Don't be fooled by last week's semi-stinker against the Titans. This Atlanta team, while flawed, is eleventy billion times better than Tampa. And home. And Julio. And Freeman. And...
Pick: Falcons
New Orleans (-3.5) vs. New York Giants
Why would I want NEW Orleans, when I can just buy stock in original Orleans? Darkwa, that is. See what I did there? I took the name of the city, and the name of the Giants running back, and pointed out how they were the same name! Because it's so funny!
Pick: Giants
Minnesota (-2.5) at Chicago
I started off writing this by saying "I like the Bears here...", but I had to go back and delete and start over, because NOBODY likes the Bears anywhere. But coming off some extended rest might be just the thing they need to get back on track. And Minnesota is feeling kind of like a pretend good team. Like the Kaley Cuoco of good teams.
Pick: Bears
Arizona (-5.5) at Cleveland
Again, as well as Arizona has played, keep in mind that Cleveland has been in just about all of their games so far. No real reason to start doubting that at this point, considering they're home and getting a bundle of points.
Pick: Browns
Baltimore (-3.5) vs. San Diego
One thing you can be sure of, is that San Diego is a jerk! But I just can't quit them...
Pick: Chargers
Saint Louis (-8.5) vs. San Francisco
Yeah no. I like the Rams and all, but we aren't remotely close to laying this many points with them.
Pick: Niners
Houston (-0.5) vs. Tennessee
If I don't have anything nice to say...
Pick: Titans
New York Jets (-2.5) at Oakland
The problem for Oakland this week, is that they're gonna have to play a team that actually has the ability to cover people. And when those people have the football in their hands, they can also tackle them. Yes, that's right. They can tackle them all the way to the ground! I know, crazy world we live in...
Pick: Jets
Seattle (-6.5) at Dallas
I hate playing the "could have" or "should have" game, because honestly you can probably find 1-2 plays in just about any NFL game that would turn the outcome on its end if the play went another way. But really, these Seahawks are SOOO close to being an elite team. They just lacked that killer instinct to close out games. What better way to get over your inability to close out games than by getting to play the Cowboys? By the way, thanks for mostly letting me off the hook on the Christine Michael thing last week. Full disclosure - I only started him in one league, and that was out of desperation. But I also have him in four other leagues, waiting for his big moment. I also have McFadden in those same leagues, so I admittedly hedged. Now that Joe Randle appears to have gone all Keyser Soze on us, it's a nice hedge to have. I probably should have mentioned that sooner.
Pick: Seahawks
Green Bay (-3.5) at Denver
Neither of these quarterbacks is putting up the eye-popping stats of two years ago, and neither of them has their primary running back dominating, and both of them are down a weapon or two from the passing game, and both of the has a surprisingly good defense behind them, and both play in cold weather cities, and they probably both like bacon. The similarities are uncanny. The difference lies in the fact that one quarterback is still totally in his prime despite the stats, and the other one is near death (despite what the stats may say).
Pick: Packers
Carolina (-6.5) vs. Indianapolis
It's just a couple of points too many. I think most people out there are starting to finally come to the realization that the Colts pretty much stink. They are mostly just a collection of names at this point, and Andrew Luck is clearly playing hurt. And the Panthers have been awesome. But with the lack of firepower in Carolina, and the quick strike ability in Indy, I see this as a 20-7 game late in the fourth quarter that quickly becomes 20-14 when Carolina softens up the D.
Pick: Colts
BEST BETS: Patriots, Falcons, Browns, Niners
LOCK: New England Patriots
LAST WEEK
Overall: 7-7
Best Bets: 2-2
Lock of the Week: 0-1
YEAR TO DATE
Overall: 49-56 (46%)
Best Bets: 12-16 (42%)
Lock of the Week: 2-5 (28%)
POWER RANKINGS
1. Patriots 6-0 (1)
2. Packers 6-0 (2)
3. Bengals 6-0 (3)
4. Panthers 6-0 (4)
5. Broncos 6-0 (5)
6. Cardinals 5-2 (8)
7. Jets 4-2 (7)
8. Falcons 6-1 (9)
9. Seahawks 3-4 (10)
10. Steelers 4-3 (6)
11. Vikings 4-2 (14)
12. Rams 3-3 (15)
13. Giants 4-3 (17)
14. Saints 3-4 (18)
15. Colts 3-4 (11)
16. Dolphins 3-3 (19)
17. Cowboys 2-4 (12)
18. Eagles 3-4 (13)
19. Bills 3-4 (16)
20. Raiders 3-3 (25)
21. Bears 2-4 (21)
22. Chiefs 2-5 (26)
23. Chargers 2-5 (20)
24. Browns 2-5 (22)
25. 49ers 2-5 (23)
26. Redskins 3-4 (27)
27. Ravens 1-6 (24)
28. Jaguars 2-5 (32)
29. Lions 1-6 (28)
30. Titans 1-5 (30)
31. Texans 2-5 (29)
32. Bucs 2-4 (31)
