I pick four “best bets” and make one of those a “lock” each week. Those are listed at the end. Let’s get to it!
Green Bay (-9.5) vs. Minnesota
I had a blind date once with Jessica Alba that I canceled at the last minute because some girl who was a 7 asked if I wanted to grab a coffee. I thought I would never again feel that much anguish over a missed opportunity until last week when I benched Eddie Royal ten minutes prior to kickoff for Davante Adams in four different leagues. Davante, you owe me. Jess, I owe you.
Pick: Packers
Tennessee (-1.5) vs. Cleveland
I really don’t even wanna waste the bandwidth it’s taking to pick this game, but I kinda have to. Ugh.
Pick: Browns
Carolina (-2.5) vs. Chicago
Toughest game of the week to pick right here. Heads Bears, Tails Panthers.
Pick: Panthers
Dallas (-4.5) vs. Houston
Everybody is ready to jump on the Dallas bandwagon! I’ve seen this one before…
Pick: Texans
Pittsburgh (-6.5) at Jacksonville
Although I said last week that I expected Pittsburgh to poop the bed against an inferior opponent, this is the perfect chance for them to rebound. No reason why they should win by anything less than a TD after that embarrassment a week ago.
Pick: Steelers
Indianapolis (-3.5) vs. Baltimore
Baltimore still feels like a fake good team to me. Indianapolis clearly is a fake good team, but Baltimore may be moreso because people don’t realize they are fake good. They think they are real good. Well they’re not.
Pick: Colts
Detroit (-7.5) vs. Buffalo
Last week, I got all the easy games wrong. There were a whopping five games decided by 24 points or more. I went 0-5 in those games. And yes, that’s the joke right there. But I won’t make that mistake again and get cute this time.
Pick: Lions
New Orleans (-10.5) vs. Tampa Bay
The Saints are about to take out their collective anger on the Bucs this week. This is gonna get ugly.
Pick: Pick: Saints
New York Giants (-4.5) vs. Atlanta
The Giants have won two games now, and looked awesome in the most recent performance. But you know those local access commercials that are always for some cheesy slimeball car salesman? Yeah, I trust the Giants less than I trust those guys.
Pick: Falcons
Philadelphia (-7.5) vs. Saint Louis
All of a sudden the Eagles are a team that blows teams out? Ummm no, sorry. The Rams are pretty crummy, but the Eagles have shown exactly zero ability to put anyone away so far. Until it happens, let’s not assume they can.
Pick: Rams
Denver (-7.5) vs. Arizona
Bigger number by season’s end: Demaryius Thomas dropped passes, or Jennifer Lawrence naked pictures.
Pick: Cardinals
San Diego (-7.5) vs. New York Jets
If Marty McFly could go back in time and fail to play the guitar, somehow causing the Jets and Patriots to simply never exist, the Chargers would have 3-4 Super Bowl titles by now. So when I see that we are more than a touchdown favorite against this team, I can’t get on board no matter how good we’ve played so far.
Pick: Jets
San Francisco (-7.5) vs. Kansas City
Niners have played pretty poorly, while Kansas City has played very well and just blew the doors off the Patriots. So of course this is more than a touchdown game. I mean, does that not make sense or does that not make sense? So little sense that I’m gonna get cute.
Pick: Niners
New England (-2.5) vs. Cincinnati
Worse New England sports moment this week – the collective slobbering of Derek Jeter, or Tom Brady’s career basically ending on national television?
Pick: Bengals
Seattle (-7.5) at Washington
I’ll say it again – not the same team on the road. I realize they’re very well-rested coming off the bye week, but the extra half point could come in handy. I’m thinking backdoor cover time.
Pick: Redskins
BEST BETS:Packers, Steelers, Falcons, Bengals
LOCK: Cincinnati Bengals
LAST WEEK
Overall:7-6
Best Bets: 3-1
Lock of the Week: 1-0
YEAR TO DATE
Overall: 38-27 (58%)
Best Bets: 10-6 (62%)
Lock of the Week: 3-1 (75%)
POWER RANKINGS
Team Name W/L (Prv)
1. Seahawks 2-1 (1)
2. Bengals 3-0 (2)
3. Broncos 2-1 (3)
4. Cardinals 3-0 (5)
5. Chargers 3-1 (6)
6. Eagles 3-1 (4)
7. Ravens 3-1 (9)
8. Lions 3-1 (12)
9. 49ers 2-2 (13)
10. Packers 2-2 (14)
11. Cowboys 3-1 (17)
12. Bears 2-2 (7)
13. Chiefs 2-2 (22)
14. Patriots 2-2 (8)
15. Colts 2-2 (16)
16. Steelers 2-2 (10)
17. Panthers 2-2 (11)
18. Texans 3-1 (18)
19. Saints 1-3 (15)
20. Bills 2-2 (19)
21. Vikings 2-2 (28)
22. Falcons 2-2 (20)
23. Dolphins 2-2 (23)
24. Browns 1-2 (24)
25. Giants 2-2 (26)
26. Titans 1-3 (21)
27. Redskins 1-3 (25)
28. Jets 1-3 (27)
29. Rams 1-2 (29)
30. Bucs 1-3 (32)
31. Jaguars 0-4 (31)
32. Raiders 0-4 (30)
